Several times over the past few weeks I've seen what looked like a huge hamster with a think brown tail. Guesses as to what the creature was were forthcoming, ranging from a groundhog (my original guess) to a pony (katie's guess) to a badger (ellen's guess). Fortunately for all of us, my guess was correct, and the fuzzy creature you see below has been eating our garden, plants, trees, grass, and anything else he can get his little teeth into:
Having seen it actually scamper across our driveway and under our deck, I was painfully aware that the problem was not going away. Also, I didn't want to end up like Bill Murray, and have to marry the painfully self-righteous Andie MacDowell. So, last night, a trap was purchased and simply set out next to the deck with some apples inside of it (groundhogs are supposed to like apples--don't ask me, I just take the orders). After it was set, we got into a lively debate around the table regarding the configuration of the trap with Ellen, who insisted that it should have the following, additional traits:
1, it have multiple compartments, for catching many bits 'o prey at once.
2, that it have a conveyor belt to escort that prey to its designated compartment after it stumbles into what would be the loudest trap ever.
3, that it have a solar power source to work the conveyor belt.
4, that it have a nuclear power source to send a signal to a receiver that the operator (me) would wear in his pocket.
5, that the receiver would also be nuclear in some way (she called it a "nuclear pulse" that would be sent to my pocket...I said I didn't think so for the painfully obvious reasons...)
So, after we spent a few minutes roundly making fun of her on this any many other scores the way we, as supportive parents, tend to do, we dispersed from dinner and headed to bed. Upon waking this morning, I was informed by Kim that several things had happened regarding the trap that I should be aware of:
1, the trap was full--of Raccoon.
2, the groundhog was sitting happily right outside the trap munching on a leaf, looking at the raccoon, and scampered off when Kim came near.
Thus, we owe Ellen an apology. Clearly her conveyor belt system had some merits. Had we had additional compartments, the Raccoon would not be lonely right now, but instead we would have two wild animals caged in our backyard, attacking each other for the 2 apples I left cut up in the trap.
Oh, and Happy Birthday Katiebug! Way to turn 8!
