I just randomly came across a note on my phone where I had saved this. I'm not sure what year this is from, though...
Ellen: do you think, when I grow up, I could be a director?
Me: you can be anything you want.
Ellen: when I grow up, then, can I be a dragon?
Katie: when I grow up, I want to be a caterpillar.
Let's see if dreams really can come true...
Every so often, I get an IM from a robot looking to spam me. Instead of just sending spam, though, they try to flirt and eventually get me to go to their site or whatever they have as an end game. These robots have a set of pre-programmed responses, and they're generic enough that the first time one of them IM'd me, I fell for it for awhile, confused, but not thinking it wasn't human.
By the way, if anyone is unclear as to what a Turing test is, it's a test that is given to differentiate artificial intelligence from human intelligence.
Since then, I usually block them as soon as I realize (usually within a single or maybe 2 IM's) but this time, I decided to mess with one and paste in the results. Note, this is a bit racey, so young children and small animals should turn away...
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AIM IM with Amanda Wilke
Amanda Wilke
Hi
paul
hi?
Amanda Wilke
Hello there.. My naame is Amanda.. Got ur ID through Messenger Directory
paul
are you a robot?
Amanda Wilke
I loveee chatting with new people.. Would you like to chat today? Where are you from?
paul
Do you have robot arms and legs and a robot head?
Amanda Wilke
Can i ask you a queeest?
paul
Do you make "beep beep" noises?
Amanda Wilke
Do yooou like big booty girls with big tits? lol seriously cuz thats what i am/have..Is that too much for you to handle?
paul
do THEY make "beep beep" noises?
Amanda Wilke
Doo you know what a whooty is? Would you like to see me i'll show you my Whooty....
paul
I'm missing all the "beep beep" noise answers. I'm sorry, but I can't chat with a robot that can't at least make a "beep beep" noise.
Amanda Wilke
lol Whooty is aaa White Girl with a BOOTY! i wanna show u mine...
paul
Thanks for the chat, Robot Amanda. Turing test fail.
I facebooked these, but I should have blogged them and then had them post to facebook, but regardless, these two were too funny to not post on the blog for future reference.
Both of these were tonight at dinner.
Katie Conversation:
Katie: "what movie are you talking about?"
Me: "silence of the lambs"
Katie: "what's it about?"
Me: "a serial killer."
Katie: "poor lambs"
Ellen Conversation:
We were discussing a meat dish that was very tender (a slow-cooked mexican pork dish). She pronounced that "meat was the only thing that got better with entropy", and ultimately therefore "slow cooking was chaos theory in action."
Wow.
This past weekend I had the change to see They Might Be Giants (for the 4th time!) with special guest Jonathan Coulton (first time!) at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park, NJ. I saw them here last year for the first time and have been totally taken with their offbeat, quirky and hugely fun songs ever since. Their live shows, though, are FAR better than their recordings (except for the NYC kids show, sadly). They bring energy and humor to their live shows that is such fun it should be illegal, or at least immoral. The group is basically comprised of John Flansburgh and John Linnell, and have been creating music since the late 80's. Among my favorites are Birdhouse in Your Soul (the tale of a light switch!) and The Mesopotamians, a song featuring four long-dead kings from the original cradle of civilization. Brilliantly funny and catchy.
Happily, with the rise of Twitter, I've been able to have a few "conversations" with Mr. Flansburgh and I actually was able to ask if they minded being recorded during shows by their fans. He wrote back that they were fine with it, so I present here a couple of my own recordings from last night's show of them (Istanbul not Constantinople, and, as sock puppets called "The Avatars of They", What is a Shooting Star). Be sure to change them to 720P and go full screen if your bandwidth supports it. My iPhone records in full HD and the quality is pretty impressive for a phone.
Enjoy!
Istanbul Not Constantinople:
What is a Shooting Star:
This entry is a bit backwards, since I want to finish by talking about Jonathan Coulton, who opened for TMBG. I have to be honest, however, although I loved TMBG, it was Mr. Coulton that blew me away. I had heard two of his songs: Code Monkey (cute song) and the brilliant song from Portal, Still Alive. The set he played was one of the funniest performances I've ever seen. I managed to record one song really well, a song called Skullcrusher Mountain, that is absolutely genius. He also did Still Alive (the entire audience sang along with that one), and, among others, Re: Your Brains, a song about polite zombies.
I'll embed my recording of Skullcrusher Mountain here, and post the lyrics because they're just that funny:
Lyrics:
Welcome to my secret lair on Skullcrusher Mountain
I hope that you've enjoyed your stay so far
I see you've met my assistant Scarface
His appearance is quite disturbing
But I assure you he's harmless enough
He's a sweetheart, calls me master
And he has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to me
I'm so into you
But I'm way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy
I'm not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn't kill you yet
I made this half-pony half-monkey monster to please you
But I get the feeling that you don't like it
What's with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies
Maybe you don't like monsters so much
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Isn't it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?
I'm so into you
But I'm way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy
I'm not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn't kill you yet
Picture the two of us alone inside my golden submarine
While up above the waves my doomsday squad ignites the atmosphere
And all the fools who live their foolish lives may find it quite explosive
But it won't mean half as much to me if I don't have you here
You know it isn't easy living here on Skullcrusher Mountain
Maybe you could cut me just a little slack
Would it kill you to be civil?
I've been patient, I've been gracious
And this mountain is covered with wolves
Hear them howling, my hungry children
Maybe you should stay and have another drink and think about me and you
I'm so into you
But I'm way too smart for you
Even my henchmen think I'm crazy
I'm not surprised that you agree
If you could find some way to be
A little bit less afraid of me
You'd see the voices that control me from inside my head
Say I shouldn't kill you yet
I shouldn't kill you yet
I shouldn't kill you yet
And, if you're still with me, check out the brilliant Re: Your Brains:
This is the sort of trouble she gets into. This was, apparently, when she decided Old Navy had gotten dull...
This came from my dad, regarding my mom, quoted from their trip home from my house today, Mother's day. For anyone who doesn't know, Henry is my sister's 3 year old son.
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Mom: The reason paul weighs more than you is because he's shorter.
Dad: What?
Mom: Well, if he was taller he wouldn't be as heavy.
Dad: So then shorter people weigh more than tall people.
Mom: right.
Dad: So then, because he's shorter, Henry should weigh more than Karem Abdul-Jabbar.
Mom: Don't be silly. Henry is just a baby.
----
That's my mom. Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Don't ever start making sense.
Katie: Hey dad, why don't you sell your cocoa next time we have a garage sale?
Me: Well, because garage sales are usually in the spring and people don't want cocoa in warm weather.
Katie (not missing a beat): Why don't you sell hot dogs?
Me: You're just going with anything here aren't you...
Katie: Yup!
The other day, we're sitting at dinner, and I look behind katie to the windowsill, whereupon I see a small box-shaped thing.
Me (to Katie): What's that thing on the sill behind you?
Katie: Oh, that's just the box to my eraser. Pay it no heed.
Consider it done.
Saturday, we went out to the Grande Luxe Cafe, the Cheesecake Factory's more sophisticated sibling at the Garden State Plaza mall. They have really excellent food, and Katie got red velvet pancakes with cream cheese frosting (basically, she got cake for breakfast). After eating some of that, and drinking 2 glasses of fresh squeezed grapefruit juice, she was ready to pronounce the following about her meal:
"Everything at this table, if you take a bite of it and close your eyes, it tastes like you're soaring through the air on a helicopter made of cheese."
I came upstairs to find 3 signs, penned hurriedly in marker, upon Ellen's door:
"Notice: if at any point in time you are in my room, and attempt a comeback by interrupting me whenever I try talking, you will be forcibly removed.
"And, you will not be allowed in for the rest of the day (unless absolutely necessary)."
"The latter also applies to any situation in which the former may occur."
My 12 year old lawyer.
Kim's reaction? "Stop using so much tape!"
*facepalm*
